


A Night of Firsts

by Halfmoon95



Series: Briel Hawke [2]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 13:33:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2193660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halfmoon95/pseuds/Halfmoon95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my take on Fenris' and Briel's first romantic encounter. I tried to keep the actual game dialogue I included to a bare minimum.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Night of Firsts

"Where could you have  _gone?"_ I mutter after searching Fenris' mansion room by room.

Varric and Anders are quiet beside me. I can practically feel Anders glowering. Varric just looks worried.

After clearing his throat loudly Anders speaks up. "Hawke, do you need me for anything else? I expect I'll be needed at the clinic."

"Of course, Anders, I apologize." In truth I had all but forgotten about my two companions. "Both of you can return home. I'll come and fetch you in the morning if anything new comes up."

Anders departs immediately, but Varric stays at my side. 

"He's going to be alright, Hawke," the dwarf says, touching my arm.

"Will he, Varric?" I look around the barren room Fenris usually stays in, taking in the empty wine bottles and the broken furniture. "This anger is consuming him."

"As it would consume any of us, had we been in his position. Come on. Let's go down to the Hanged Man. I'll buy you some drinks and we can-"

"I'm going to find him, Varric," I snap, feeling terrible for my harshness.

He holds up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Alright, Hawke, have it your way. If he comes by the bar I'll send him to your estate." He leaves before I have time to thank him.

I search through various parts of the city, visiting other pubs in Hightown, a spot on the docks I knew Fenris liked to watch the water from, and I even went so far as to check the elven alienage, though I knew the chances of him being there were slim. When the clock tower bells strike midnight I turn in the direction of home and start to jog.

He is sitting on a bench just outside the estate when I arrived.

"Fenris!" I call in greeting. "I was looking for you."

"I've been thinking about what happened with Hadriana," he says, his brow furrowed. "I took out my anger on you, undeservedly so." He gets to his feet and approaches. "I was... not myself. I'm sorry."

"I had no idea where you went," I reply, trying to keep my tone light, trying to hide just how much he had scared me. "I was concerned."

He tells me about more of his past, his marks more prominent across his tanned skin and his silvery hair glinting in the torch light. Even with the tormented expression on his face he is beautiful, and I find myself watching him rather than paying attention to his words.

"But I didn't come here to bother you further." With a shake of his head he turns away from me, preparing to leave.

"You don't have to leave, Fenris." I reach out and put a hand on his shoulder.

He spins around and shoves me up against the wall, his marks flashing in a brilliant blue for just a moment before he subdues himself. I look at his eyes, that peculiar shade of green, looking for the signs of anger that I'm sure will be there. His look is intense, but not angry.  I open my mouth to speak and his lips slam into mine.

The kiss is rough and passionate and strange and somehow everything I've ever desired and I find myself pulling him closer, threading my fingers into his hair. We turn again so it is his back against the wall and I relish the feel of him, how broad and warm his chest is beneath my hands, how soft his mouth feels.

He pulls away from me abruptly, breathing heavily. "This is not an encounter that should be happening on the street," he murmurs.

"Then should we move inside?" Ordinarily I'd be bothered by the way the words just tumble out. I'd be upset that he has this affect on me, this ability to take my common sense and throw it out the window. But I shove the thoughts aside because I don't want him to leave me, I don't want him to go home. I just want  _him._

Before he can reply I grab his wrist and shove open the door to the estate, tugging him inside behind me. The small shred of sense I have left wonders if Mother and Sandal and his father will see us and what they'll think, but I remember the time and know they're all asleep by now and then it is just me. Just Fenris. Just us.

I take the stairs as quickly as I dare, keeping my steps light, and then finally we reach the door to my room and as soon as the door is open he's kissing me again and he kicks it shut behind us. His hands roam over my back and I loop my arms around his neck and  _by the Maker, how is he doing that_ and we tumble onto the bed.

Fear takes hold, quick and paralyzing, but I stamp it down, lock it away. I grab his shoulders, wanting to be closer to him, suppressing a shiver when his tongue traces my lips. His hands slide to the buttons on my blouse.

"Fenris," I murmur against his lips. 

He buries his face in my neck, his breath hot, continuing his efforts. I put my hands on his shoulder, pushing a little, trying to make some space, to give myself time to think.

"Fenris, wait."

The first button is undone and now his fingers are moving more quickly, with more confidence, more sure of himself.

"Fenris,  _wait."_  

We both freeze. His eyes meet mine, questioning, hurt, confused.

"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" He takes a breath. "I'm sorry, Hawke."

I shake my head quickly. "No,  _no,_ please don't apologize, it's not- you didn't do anything wrong, I just- I've never-" I look away from him. "This is so  _embarrassing."_  

He puts a finger under my chin and tilts my head up to look at him. 

"Tell me."

"It's just that-"  _Steady. Breathe._ "I've never done this before."

It takes a moment to sink in, and when it does he startles me with a laugh.

"It's not funny," I mutter, glaring at him.

He shakes his head. "I'm not laughing at you, Hawke." The kiss he plants on my brow is light. "I told you before, I've never tried this either."

"You told me there was no one special in your life, that doesn't mean you couldn't have-" I cut off, knowing full well he would never do something like this lightly. "Forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive."

I put a hand behind his head and try to kiss him again but he props himself up on one arm, keeping effectively out of my reach.

"I want you to be sure of this, Hawke." His eyes are serious. "If you're not ready for this I am more than willing to wait."

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. But I trust you, Fenris. I want it to be you." The last words are no more than a whisper.

Our first kiss had been all fire and passion, but this one was different. It was gentler, sweeter, a smoldering heat instead of a blaze. His hands move slowly, waiting for approval before moving, and he murmurs soft promises into my ear. It's painfully beautiful, both binding and freeing, a promise and a vow and perfect.

We lay in silence after it's done, my head cradled to his chest.

"Are you alright?" he asks fervently. "Did I hurt you?"

I smile, wrapping an arm around his waist. "Of course not. You'd never hurt me." Truthfully it had hurt a little, but I am pretty sure that was supposed to happen.

If I hadn't been listening for it I'd never have noticed the little huff of hair he let out in relief. He traces winding patterns across the bare skin of my shoulders.

"Good."

"I might be a little tired, though," I add, my tone mischievous.

His answering chuckle is low and I can feel it rumble through his chest. "Sleep then, my love. I'll be here in the morning."

"Promise?" I whisper, eyes already closed, already drifting into the world of dreams.

"I promise."

^^^

When I wake the next morning, I open my eyes to see Fenris standing with his back to me. He leans against the fireplace, staring into the flames and fully clothed.

"Was it that bad?" I ask, trying to keep the humor in my tone to mask my fear.

"No, I'm sorry, it was- it was  _fine._ "

I bite my lip, trying not to dwell too much on his choice of words. 

He catches the gesture. "That is insufficient. It was better than anything I could have dreamed."

"It's your markings. They hurt, don't they."

"No, I- Hawke, I remembered. I remembered everything about my life before. Just glimpses, nothing specific, but it was  _there._ It was there and then I lost it again." He presses a hand to his forehead in agitation.

"Getting your memory back is a good thing, isn't it?"

"Maybe you don't understand how painful this is," he whispers. "I couldn't bear losing it all over again. I can't."

I wrap a sheet around myself and cross over to him. "Fenris, we can work through this."

"I feel like such a fool." He seems to look at me for the first time, his mouth pressed into a grim line. "I just wanted to be happy, just for a moment. Forgive me."

I'm too stunned to stop him.

Too hurt to call him back.

Too confused.

Too broken.

I don't know how long I stand there, staring at the door, half expecting him to waltz back in and laugh at his joke. 

He doesn't return.

I glance at the mantle, noting the red scarf he'd left there. The token I'd given him. I pick it up with shaking hands.

"I don't understand."

Mother knocks on the door, informing me that it's late, that I've been sleeping too long, that I need to get up, get to work.

I don my light armor, tightening straps until it fits the way I want it to. The twin daggers slide easily into the sheathes I have strapped to my back. A quick glance at the writing desk shows the schedule I'd written up for myself, mostly a lot of busy work running down rumors for Varric in Lowtown. Ordinarily I would take the usual team - Varric for ranged attack, Anders for healing, and Fenris to help me man the front line - but today...

"Don't make this harder for him," I tell myself sternly. "It's your own fault for putting him in that position. You're going to act like nothing happened and you're going to show him you can be an adult."

But I still slip the token into my pocket, just in case. And when I meet him at his mansion I press the scarf into his hand.

He looks upset. "Hawke, I-"

I hold up a hand to silence him. "I understand, Fenris. Just take it."

"Why?"

"So you know I'm willing to wait." I reach out and touch his cheek gently, just a light brush of my fingertips. "I'm going to go find Anders. You and Varric can meet us at the Hanged Man."

I don't wait for a reply. I don't watch to see what he does with the token. I walk through Kirkwall with a single-minded focus.

And I even manage to hide my grin of satisfaction when I see the piece of red cloth tied around his wrist.


End file.
